Imposter Syndrome – Judge the Evidence (trigger warning)

I’ve had Imposter Syndrome for quite some time now. It has had varying degrees of affect on me.

Imposter Syndrome is when someone has a deep feeling that they are a failure and a fraud.

Each person is different of course and how they perceive things can vary. They can think that success is due to chance rather than any ability they have. They may feel they will be “found out”. They may not see achievements as genuine. They may feel that praise they receive is undeserved, and possibly think it is given out of sympathy rather than how it is intended.

There are affects on my professional life in my day job. I have been a high prrformer yet struggle to “sell myself” to gain advancement in my career.

There are affects on my personal life. The worst is that I often feel I am a bad Parent.

There are affects on my hobbies and interests. Case in point, my Writing and everything connected to it. How this blog was once very busy and how it stumbled and fell.

My Writing, especially this blog, have opened doors for me. I’ve met some really interesting people. I’ve met heroes of mine in comic creators. I’ve made some friendships that mean a lot to me.

And though I’ve had some great times I’ve also had some very bad periods.

I’ve recently finished a period of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Imposter Syndrome is one of my issues we concentrated on.

Warning, this is a long article. It took a while to write and is fully honest.

I have all the right moods; not necessarily in the right order. I’ll give you that.

I used the first sentence in the title of this article earlier today on Twitter.

It is using a phrasing pattern that many in the UK will recognise. It’s channeling the comedian Eric Morecambe from a famous Morecambe & Wise sketch.

It was a comment on a Tweet from the author Matt Haig. He had greeted that ‘Blue Monday’ wasn’t a real thing as Depression as a whole doesn’t follow a Calendar. Obviously he doesn’t mean that dates can’t contribute to Depression, there are obvious incidences where this would be true: anniversaries of certain life events for example.

Blue Monday is supposedly the date more people are loudly to feel Depression. It gains more publicity year on year it seems.

Matt, and many others agree, was making the point that the day itself is not a real thing from a depression point if view. One reply compared it to Valentine’s Day. To think that telling ones partner you live them on 14th February means anything more than on any other day is simply quite silly.

And my point was following on the idea that he Monday is used for awareness rather than being a ‘real thing’ by highlighting that Depression doesn’t mean I am just “sad”.

2016 Annus Horribilis

The Queen called 1992 her Annus Horribilis. Among the things that challenged her that year were the divorces of two of her children, Andrew and Anne. More memorable is the revelation of Charles’ affair with Camilla which led to the split from Diana. Also that was the year that Windsor Castle was hit by fire.

My Annus Horribilis happily sees both my children still with their respective partners. I’ve not had any houses burn down.

However 2016 hasn’t been a good year for me.

Each year I do a review of what has gone by in the previous 12 months on the blog.

This year that’s not a great deal and in part I’ll explain why.

Don’t take your Health for granted (MH Potential Triggers: Crisis, Surgery, Death, Eating Disorders)

On 8th June I made a very personal announcement explaining why I wasn’t writing articles for this Blog. In many ways I am a very private person and I wouldn’t have mentioned my illness at all apart from the fact that I was forced to withdraw from being part of Lawgiver this year, this was the third annual (unofficial) Judge Dredd Convention and I have been involved from year 1.

I was in hospital from 19/05/16 to 11/07/16. I was admitted due to complications of newly diagnosed Diabetes which culminated in a very serious operation.

I am making good recovery but I still tire easily and I will be attending multiple Outpatient Clinics. I also need a further operation.

My physical health is usually quite good. I do live with Mental Health issues and sometimes write about the subject; which is why I put Trigger Warnings in the heading to this article.

It was a minor ailment that took me to my GP’s Surgery. If I hadn’t gone that day the outcome could have been very different.

This is a very personal story and isn’t easy for me to write. But if it makes just one person think a little more about their health and have things checked out it will be worth it.